Date: Thu, 04 Apr 2002 10:12:10 -0500
From: Cheese Us!
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Quotes


Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1998 21:15:39 -0500
From: Karen Stanley


Never raise your hands to your kids.  It leaves your groin unprotected.
- Red Buttons

I have a daughter who goes to SMU.  She could've gone to UCLA here in
California, but it's one more letter she'd have to remember.
- Shecky Greene

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do
nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.
Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals.
-  Ronnie Corbett

They think they can make fuel from horse manure.  Now I don't know if
your car will be able to get thirty miles to the gallon, but it's sure
gonna put a stop to siphoning.
- Billie Holliday

I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts:  "I wanna
know your name."
- Mike Binder

Advertising:  The science of arresting the human intelligence long
enough to get money from it.
- Stephen Leacock

Everything is drive-through.  In California they even have a burial
service called Jump-In-The-Box.
- Wil Shriner

If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many
lawyers?
- Calvin Trillin

Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches.  I wish I could.
It's like having a little pet for your face.
- Anita Wise

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank
robbery has just taken place.
- Johnny Carson

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
- Will Rogers

It's not hard to tell we was poor -- when you saw the toilet paper
dryin' on the clothesline.
- George Lindsey

Never moon a werewolf.
- Mike Binder

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his
success.
- Jim Backus

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must
be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette

I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.
- Noel Coward

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the
house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.
- Sacha Guitry

Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
- Lisa Hoffman

She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she
finds one.
- Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancée

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in,
and those inside desperate to get out.
- Montaigne

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for
any man.
- Socrates