From: Das Experiment
Date: Sun, 26 Aug 2001 22:19:08 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Why is he mad?
 

From: Simon Lewis 
From: "Mark Moshe Kaye" 
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 1998 13:19:04 -0400 


A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands "Gimme a double 
of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so mad I can't even see straight!" 

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, 
pours him a DOUBLE. The man gulps down the drink and says, "Gimme 
another ONE!". 

The bartender pours the drink, but says "Now, before I give you this, 
why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY you're so upset?" 

So the man begins his tale: "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door 
when this gorgeous blonde slinks in, and actually sits beside ME at the 
bar. I thought WOW, this has never happened before. You know, it was 
kind of a fantasy come TRUE. Well, a couple of minutes later I feel this 
hand moving around in my lap and the blonde leans over, licks my ear, 
and asks if I'm INTERESTED? I couldn't believe this was happening! I 
managed to nod my head YES, so she grabs my hand, and starts walking out 
of the bar. So of course I went with her. This was just too good to be 
true!" 

"She took me down the street to a nice hotel and up to her room. As 
soon as she shut the door she slips out of her dress. That was all she 
was wearing! I tell you it didn't take me much longer to get out of my 
clothes! But as soon as I jumped into the bed, I hear some keys 
jingling, and SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door." 

"The blonde says 'Oh my god, it's my BOYFRIEND. He must have lost his 
WRESTLING match tonight, he's gonna be REAL MAD! Quick, HIDE!'" "So, I 
opened the CLOSET, but I figured that was probably the FIRST place he 
would look, so I didn't hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but 
no, I figured he's bound to look there, TOO. By now I could hear the 
key in the lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and 
was hanging there by my FINGERS praying that the guy WOULDN'T see me." 

The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a BIT FRUSTRATED at 
that point." 

"Well, just wait, I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells 
out, 'Who you been sleeping with now?' " 

The girl says "Nobody, honey, now come to bed and calm down." 

Well the guy starts TEARING up the room. I hear him tear the door off 
the closet and throw it across the room. I'm thinking 'Boy, I'm glad I 
didn't hide in there.' 

Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good 
thing I didn't hide under there either. 

Then I heard him say, 'What's that over there by the WINDOW?' 

'I'm dead meat now'. 

But the blond by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince 
him to stop looking. 

Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom, and I hear water running for 
a long time, and I figure maybe he's gonna take a bath or something, 
when all of a sudden the asshole pours a pitcher of scalding HOT WATER 
out of the window right on top of my head! I mean look at this, I got 
second degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!" The bartender 
says, "Oh man, that would have made me mad for SURE." 

"No, that didn't BOTHER me that much. Next the guy starts slamming the 
window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. 
They're a bloody mess, I can hardly hold onto this glass." The bartender 
looks at the guy's hands and says "Yeah, buddy, I can understand why you 
are ANGRY." 

"No, that WASN'T what really made me mad." The bartender then asks in 
exasperation, "Well, then, what DID finally make you mad?" 


"Well I was hanging there, and I turned around and looked down, and... 


"I WAS ONLY ABOUT 5 INCHES OFF THE GROUND!"