Date: Thu, 25 Oct 2001 10:31:37 -0400 (EDT) From: Return to Whenever Subject: BLAGUES-L: New computer viruses Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1998 10:53:45 +0200 From: Daniel De Luca New Computer Viruses Ellen Degeneres virus: Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer Titanic virus: Makes your whole computer go down Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact Woody Allen virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card Saddam Hussein virus: Won't let you into any of your programs Tonya Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons George Michaels virus: Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup Joey Buttafuoco virus: Only attacks minor files X-files virus: All your Icons start shape shifting Spice Girl virus: Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them Sony Bono virus: Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of nowhere Martha Stewart virus: Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting MCI virus: Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back