Date: Wed, 11 Aug 1999 14:10:20 -0400 (EDT)
From: Hot Awa
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Stupid is as stupid does

From: Albert Craig
From: Rene Routhier

Stupid is as Stupid Does....

     Sign in a gas station:  Coke -- 49 cents.  Two for a dollar.

     ------
     I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
     noticed  that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit
     card.  She  informed me that she could not complete the transaction
     unless the card was  signed.

     When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the
     signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the
     receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her.  She carefully
     compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt.  As luck
     would have it, they matched!

     --------
     Warning!
     At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card/bank card
     readers at the checkout stands.  If you don't know how to orient your
     card to swipe it through the reader, the checkout person will say,
     "Strip down, face toward me."

     Editor's Note:  Am I wrong, or is this just asking for trouble?
     --------

     A customer at a sub shop ordered "a small soda."  The owner responded,
     "I'm  sorry, sir, but we don't have small, just medium and large."
     (Both cost 99 cents.)

     The kicker came when the customer, a rather well-dressed business
     type, disappointedly said, "Okay, I guess I'll just have to have the
     medium then."

     --------
     Idiots and Geography:
     After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I
     described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic.  My boss said,
     "Really?  Where is Monoslabia?"  Thinking that he was just kidding, I
     played along and said that it just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh,
     you mean over by Croatia?"

     --------
     Advice for Idiots:
     An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety
     Handbook for Employees."

     "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."

     --------
     Idiots in the Neighborhood
     I live in a semi-rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor call the
     local town ship administrative office to request the removal of the
     "Deer Crossing" sign on our road.

     The reason:  Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted
     them to cross there.

     ------------
     Idiots and Computers:
     My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office
     of a large bank.  Employees in the field call him when they have
     problems with their computers.  One night he got a call from a woman
     in one of the  branch banks who asked this question:
     "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal.  Do you guys have
     a fire downtown?"

     --------
     Idiots Are Easy To Please
     I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the
     next day would be the shortest day of the year.  My lab partner became
     visibly excited, cheering and clapping.  I explained to her that the
     amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time.  Needless
     to say, she was very disappointed.

     ---------
     Idiots In Food Services
     My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.  She asked
     the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."  He said he
     was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

     --------
     Idiots Do Math:
     A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit
     her for the holidays.  Someone asked how old her sister was, at which
     she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old
     as I am, that's how I always remember."
     So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat...  So every year
     that you age, she only ages half a year?"  My co-worker thought about
     that, and then said "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years."