Date: Mon, 2 Aug 1999 12:24:49 -0400 (EDT)
From: No Candy
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Stephen Wright wisdom

From: Rene Routhier

     What is the speed of dark?
     
     When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? 
     Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's? 
     How come you never heard about gruntled employees? 
     After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out 
     of the water?
     
     If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? 
     What's another word for synonym? 
     If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is 
     it considered a hostage situation?
     
     Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? 
     Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? 
     Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers 
     aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
     
     How can there be self-help groups? >>>
     Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink 
     and drive?
     
     Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited 
     there?
     
     If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? 
     Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? 
     Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a 
     shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? 
     
     Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? 
     Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? 
     If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like? 
     When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the 
     top one away?
     
     When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why 
     you're just sitting there, staring at the carpeting?
     
     Why does your nose run, and your feet smell? 
     If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? 
     My school colors were "clear".
     
     I'm taking Lamaze classes.  I'm not having a baby, I'm just having 
     trouble breathing.
     My girlfriend is weird.  She asked me, "If you could know how and when 
     you were going to die, would you want to know?"  I said, "No".  She  
     said, "Okay, then forget it."
     
     I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to  
     be gone.  I said, "The whole time."
     
     Hermits have no peer pressure.
     
     Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories... 
     There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore 
     like an idiot...
     
     How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there? 
     The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell 
     me about some of the people who were here last year."
     
     Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID? 
     I just got skylights put in my place.  The people who live above me 
     are furious.
     
     I played a blank tape on full volume.  The mime who lives next door  
     complained.