Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1999 20:53:02 -0500 (EST) From: Society of Mind Subject: BLAGUES-L: Cape Breton in the Whatever Time .... [ I did not know of any jokes about Cape Bretoners before this, but they remind me of the pattern in stories about certain human females with a certain hair color... (/jg) ] Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1998 02:17:15 -0700 From: "E.W. Smith" To help start your New Year off right I offer something from my Halifax friend Janet MacKay. thank, Janet. Earle ------- THE CAPE BRETON HUSBAND: A Cape Breton guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's going on here?' he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy!, Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor. "You IDIOT!!!," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked and scaring the kids!" ................................................... A Cape Breton woman tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a Newfoundlander she worked with at a salon. The Newfoundlander told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the Caper, "if I can sell the car." "Okay," said the Newfoundlander. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the Caper made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the Newfoundlander asked the Cape Breton woman, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the Caper, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it." ................. So there's this Cape Breton woman out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another Cape Breton woman on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second Cape Bretoner looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side." .................... On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a Cape Bretoner sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The Cape Bretoner replied, "I'm a Caper, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the Cape Breton woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the Cape Bretoner replied, "I'm a Caper, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a Cape Bretoner, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the Caper's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally persuaded her to move from her seat. He said "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York." ............... NOT ONE, BUT TWO CAPE BRETONERS: Two Capers were walking through the woods and came upon a set of tracks. One Caper said that they were deer tracks. The other Caper said that they were moose tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit 'em.