Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1999 20:53:02 -0500 (EST)
From: Society of Mind
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Cape Breton in the Whatever Time ....
[ I did not know of any jokes about Cape Bretoners before this, but they
remind me of the pattern in stories about certain human females with a
certain hair color... (/jg) ]
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1998 02:17:15 -0700
From: "E.W. Smith"
To help start your New Year off right I offer something from my Halifax
friend Janet MacKay. thank, Janet.
Earle
-------
THE CAPE BRETON HUSBAND:
A Cape Breton guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises
coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the
bed, sweating and panting.
"What's going on here?' he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to
grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and
says, "Daddy! Daddy!, Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe closet and he's
got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past
his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there
is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.
"You IDIOT!!!," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and
you're running around naked and scaring the kids!"
...................................................
A Cape Breton woman tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of
problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day,
she told her problem to a Newfoundlander she worked with at a salon.
The Newfoundlander told her, "There is a possibility to make the car
easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the Caper, "if I can sell the car."
"Okay," said the Newfoundlander. "Here is the address of a friend of
mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn
the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a
problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the Caper made
the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the Newfoundlander
asked the Cape Breton woman, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the Caper, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
.................
So there's this Cape Breton woman out for a walk. She comes to a river
and sees another Cape Breton woman on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo" she
shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second Cape Bretoner looks up the river then down the river then
shouts back, "You are on the other side."
....................
On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a Cape
Bretoner sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to
coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The Cape Bretoner
replied, "I'm a Caper, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not
moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the
co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the Cape Breton woman
asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the Cape
Bretoner replied, "I'm a Caper, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and
I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the
captain what he should do.
The captain said, "I'm married to a Cape Bretoner, and I know how to
handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the
Caper's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section
mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to
her that finally persuaded her to move from her seat. He said "I told her
the first class section wasn't going to New York."
...............
NOT ONE, BUT TWO CAPE BRETONERS: Two Capers were walking through the
woods and came upon a set of tracks. One Caper said that they were deer
tracks.
The other Caper said that they were moose tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit 'em.