Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1998 11:26:16 -0500 (EST)
From: "Scam P. Terpan"
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Vowel Storm

[ Already sent on the list, long ago.  Still good, in my humble opinion (/jg) ]


Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1998 22:25:54 -0700
From: "E.W. Smith"

Another from my 'writer' friend Janet of Halifax NS.



NEWSFLASH -- CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA
 
Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to be First Recipients
 
Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton
announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of
Bosnia.  The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will
provide the region with the critically needed letters A, E, I, O, and U,
and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable. 
 
"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlnhr and
Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world," Clinton
said.  "Today, the United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough.'
It is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their
incomprehensible words.  The US is proud to lead the crusade in this noble
endeavor." 
 
The deployment, dubbed "Operation Vowel Storm" by the State Department, is
set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and
Grzny slated to be the first recipients.  Two C-130 transport planes, each
carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's" will fly from Andrews Air Force
Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities. 
 
Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the vowels.
 
"My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44,
said.  "I have six children and none of them has a name that is
understandable to me or to anyone else.  Mr. Clinton, please send my poor,
wretched family just one 'E,' please!" 
 
Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67:  "With just a few key letters, I
could be George Humphries.  This is my dream."
 
The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a foreign
country since 1984.  During the summer of that year, the US shipped 92,000
consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouaua, Eaoiiaue, and Aao
with vital, life-giving supplies of L's, S's and T's.