Date: Sun, 10 Mar 1996 14:24:48 -0500 (EST)
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Results of the OMNI Theories Contest

From: Luce Des Marais

Date: Fri, 8 Mar 1996 12:50:06 -0500 (EST)
From: Jean-Claude Guedon

 Results of the OMNI Theories Contest 
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 Grand Prize Winner:
 
 When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is
 dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down.  I propose to
 strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning
 inches above the ground.  With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed
 monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
 
 Runners-up:
 
 If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup
 trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of
 highway signs, they will eventually produce all the worlds great literary
 works in Braille.
 
 Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your
 eardrums.  This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other
 people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.
 
 Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no
 alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster
 rate.
 
 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.  Just as a
 figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to
 the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously
 fast.
 
 Honorable Mentions:
 
 Birds take off at sunrise.  On the opposite side of the world, they are
 landing at sunset.  This causes the earth to spin on its axis.
 
 The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is that it's easier
 to go faster when you're always going downhill.
 
 The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.  If omitted
 in one place, they turn up in another.  When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah,"
 the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and
 invest in "erl wells."