Date: Mon, 9 Dec 1996 23:13:42 -0500 (EST)
Subject: BLAGUES-L: Later Kid

From: Laporte Isabelle
From: Martin Miron
From: Daniela Addona
Resent-from: Tonia Sciannamblo
Date: 11 Sep 1996 13:40:24 -0500
From: Natalie Brady

Subject: Later Kid                                        9/11/96   11:48 AM


     WHAT YOUR ADVISOR SAYS             WHAT YOUR ADVISOR MEANS
  -------------------------             --------------------------
  
  Look at this as a learning            You're going to suffer
  experience
  
  Let me explain the format of the      Let me make you even more nervous
  defense
  
  I'm here to lend you support          I'm here to destroy you so you won't
                                        look smarter than me
  
  I found the overall concept           This is my token compliment before
  interesting                           ripping your idea to shreds
  
  I would like to have had more time    I didn't read it
  to study this
  
  I have some concerns about the        I hate the theory but I can't insult
  theory upon which your study is       the author so I'll insult your work
  based                                 instead
  
  There are some aspects of the         I read it but I just don't remember
  study that I would like to hear       anything about it
  more about
  
  Your hypotheses are not strongly      You came up with an innovative idea
  enough linked to the existing         and I want to make sure you never do
  literature                            it again
  
  Your research is an interesting       Why didn't I think of this before
  extension of my own work              you did?
  
  You have failed to take into          You failed to cite me
  account some of the more relevant
  literature
  
  I would like you to explain...        I don't know anything about this stuff
                                        so you'll have to explain it to me
  
  Your statistical results don't        I don't understand statistics
  seem to support your hypothesis
  
  Your selection of statistical         I'm the only one here that understands
  tests is rather simplistic            statistics and I wanted to rub it in
  
  How did you ensure that you had       I had to come up with at least one
  drawn a random sample?                question and this one always works
  
  Let's wrap this up                    I'm hungry
  
  Could you step out of the room        We decided beforehand to give you your
  while the committee comes to a        degree, but we still want to make you
  decision?                             sweat some more
  
  
  This is a great topic for your        This is some grunge work that
  thesis.                               will help me get tenure.
 
  You will be ready to write up         You have now become a useful
  soon, but need to do just one         slave, and I am not about to
  more experiment/program/chip.         let you graduate without doing
  (Repeats each year.)                  some more footwork for me.
 
  Your funding is secure.               Maybe.
 
  Your funding is probably              Start worrying.
  OK.
 
  I'll see what we can do               Look for another advisor.
  about funding.
 
  Think of this as an                   We're going to exploit
  investment in skills that             you to the gills.
  will be useful to you in
  your later career.
 
  Don't listen to X, just               Both me and X are fools,
  listen to me.                         but I'm funding you.
 
  Write another chapter.                Write another chapter.